Reforming Marriage (3)

I have been plugging this book for a couple of weeks. Let me do it at least one more time. I will insert an entire paragraph (page 25):

The commands are given to our respective weaknesses in the performance of our duties. Men need to do their duty with regard to their wives- they need to love. Women need to do their duty in the same way- they need to respect. But men are generally poor at this kind of loving. C.S. Lewis once commented that women tend to think of love as taking trouble for others (which is much closer to the biblical definition), while men tend to think of it as not giving trouble to others. Men consequently need to work in this area, and they are instructed by Scripture to undertake it. In a similar way, women are fully capable at loving a man, and sacrificing for him, while believing the entire time he is a true and unvarnished jerk. Women are good at this kind of love, but their central requirement given to wives is that they respect their husbands. As Christian women gather together (for prayer? Bible study?), they frequently speak about their husbands in the most disrespectful way. They hurry home to cook, clean, and care for his kids. Why? Because they love their husbands. It is not wrong for wives to love their husbands, but it is wrong to substitute love for the respect God requires.

Reforming Marriage (2)

One of the main reasons I love this book is that it is theological in nature and not therapeutic. By this I mean that Wilson is calling husbands and wives to a right understanding and practice of marriage, rather than trying to help people cope with the marriage they conceived on their own.

God is Lord. He is central to the coherence of all things, including marriage. He has preeminence over heaven and earth, and all His human creatures have the moral responsibility to acknowledge that preeminence in all they do, including how they marry. A man and woman who have this orientation together, in a covenant bond, enjoy a Christian marriage. If they deny or ignore this truth, they do so at their own peril. Reforming Marriage, pg. 11.

Book Plug: Reforming Marriage

And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma (Ephesians 5:2)

How would you describe the spiritual aroma of your home?

Thus begins Doug Wilson's introduction to his book, Reforming Marriage, in my opinion the best and most challenging book on marriage that I have read- it is not for the faint of heart. I especially recommend it for men, as Wilson calls men as men to be responsible for their marriages:

The text noted above says that when Christians walk in love they are imitating Christ, and the sacrifice of Christ is a pleasant aroma to God. Similarly, a Christ-like home atmosphere produces this sort of aroma before God and consequently before man... Where should this aroma originate? Jesus taught us, with regard to individuals, that cups must be cleaned from the inside out.If we apply this principle to the home, we should see that the "inside" of a family is, of course, the relationship between husband and wife, as they self consciously imitate the intimate relationship between Christ and the church... The health of all other relationships in the home depends upon the health of this relationship, and the key is found in how the husband is treating his wife.

As I mentioned, this is good stuff. I will be putting up more excerpts from this book in the coming weeks. This is just one of many great books on the family Canon Press has published. I hope you check them out.